Windsor Family Values

Philip, one has said it before and one will say it again: You look ridiculous in that hat.

Hang on tight, Phillip. One’s going to drive it like one stole it.

Windsor Family Values would like to take a moment away from our regularly scheduled programming to bring you…

FANGIRLS!!!!

(Phil, Liz, Chuck and Cam are are superjealous, BTW.)

Suck it, plebes.

What do you mean you’re out of gin?

Oh, please, Charles. The only reason you’re being so hard on Harry is that you’re jealous. He’s only the spare, and yet he’s bagging more tail than you ever did.

Delightful. Of course one has no idea what to do with this, but one is certain that Harry can advise one.

So … naked billiards. And where do we think Harry might have gotten that idea, darling?

So, Harry my boy, one hears you’ve got a new piece of ass. How’s that working out?

When one asked Charles to get one a new computer, this is not what one had in mind.

Philip, why is your valet pouring beer into The Corgis’ water bowl?

Really, Andrew, Mummy wasn’t speaking in code. What part of “stop lending money to your ex-wife” do you not understand?

Oh come now, Carole, don’t be coy. One’s not suggesting you’re a latter-day Mrs. Bennet, but surely when you enrolled Kate at St. Andrews the thought must have crossed your mind? 

That’s quite enough, you little tart. He’s spoken for, so hand over the torch and be on your way.