Windsor Family Values

One is told it’s called “ale” and that commoners drink it.

You don’t mind if one’s wife tucks away a little something for us to nibble on later, do you?

Watch your back, Beckham, you’re not the only pin-up boy in town!

Windsor Family Values would like to take a moment away from our regularly scheduled programming to bring you…

FANGIRLS!!!!

(Phil, Liz, Chuck and Cam are are superjealous, BTW.)

Oh, please, Charles. The only reason you’re being so hard on Harry is that you’re jealous. He’s only the spare, and yet he’s bagging more tail than you ever did.

Over there is Charles’s rose garden, and the little plot beyond that is Harry’s herb garden. He’s very passionate about it, though so far the only thing he’s planted is oregano. 

Oh dear, God is crying again. One will never understand: What on Earth does He have to be so sad about? 

Oh, goody, it looks like His Junior Highness is feeling frisky today!

One has always had a way with the ladies.

Fear not, beloved subjects. Having considered the best interests of Britain and all the Commonwealth Nations, one has resolved not to predecease one’s eldest son. 

Legally speaking, does Parliament have the power to institute a mandatory retirement age for monarchs?

Much as one loves one’s husband, had one been fully briefed on all that this Royal-ing thing entailed, one might have chosen to carry on living in sin instead of marrying Charles.

Charles, must you behave like an American high school cheerleader? 

A “mug,” you say? Fascinating. One has always wondered how people who can’t afford china drink their coffee.